I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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