This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize