Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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