well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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