She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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