Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
