im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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