I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
