the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
