mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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