My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
