the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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