i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
