I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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