i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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