Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
