it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
