come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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