why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
