like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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