My liver just broke up with me...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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