i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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