'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
