Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So apparently I’m into choking now
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