apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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