Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
