Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
