Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
