He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
