From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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