He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
