The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I believe in your delicious
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
