Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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