So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize