Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
