New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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