oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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