Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize