Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
