So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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