my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize