yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
