I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
