i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
