I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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