Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
