You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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