If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
