naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How does it feel to date your dad?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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