It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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