If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
