Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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