When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
