Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
