The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
