i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
