We're like a lot better than the average bears
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
