Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
