remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
