my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
