and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
