Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
