Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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