your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesnât say âIâm in love with you and want to marry youâ idk what does
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
