I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
