hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the day after is always just damage control
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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