I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
