She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Text me some of your sweat
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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