I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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