Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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