he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
