My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
