one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
