I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
