She is in my trunk
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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