I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
