so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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