the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
