proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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