I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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