my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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