He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
