Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
