she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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