You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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