I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
