well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
