I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All the doctor said was why
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize