So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
