Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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