Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
