I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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