You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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