i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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