Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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