Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
