as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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