I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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