I hate your face
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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