hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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