Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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