Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
