I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
