I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
